If you knew someone hated your guts- because they'd TOLD you that- would you:

a.)  Continue to live in their house rent-free and whine about chores.

b.)  Sit at their kitchen table every fucking morning and try to engage them in pointless conversation when they are at their most murderous (i.e., before they've had their morning tea).

OR

c.)  Pack up your shit and get the hell out, as requested!


Apparently, if you're Ann, the answer is a. and b.  WTF???

This is the perspective I have come to after a lifetime of fucking up:  when you do something stupid, suck it up, own up, apologise, whatever- but don't just sit there going, "I suck, I fail at everything," and wait for someone to come along and convince you that you don't.  Self-pity won't get you sympathy, nor will it fix whatever you broke.  Be constructive.  Figure out what you did that was dumb, and work out a way to avoid doing it again.

For example:  I just lost a close friendship, a roommate (which was not a big loss really), and a job, in large part because I didn't keep my mouth shut.  I gossiped about people, and I told too many of my own secrets to too many people.  So, I could sit here and say, "well, I'm a terrible person who obviously doesn't deserve to have friends, a good job, etc."  But I'm not.  Instead I'm going, "wow, that was stupid.  I'd better not do that again.  How can I prevent myself from making the same mistake in the future?"

The source of this gripe is two-fold.  First, Eowyn has started a trend of saying she's a bad girl, and won't get to do "nothing", everytime we scold her for something.  And similarly, Gary, who is MY age for pete's sake, does much the same thing when anyone gets upset at him, whether it's justified or not.  He'll go mope in a corner and post things on Facebook about what a failure he is, which makes me want to swat him with a rolled-up newspaper.  But then, I suppose men are basically toddlers in grown-up bodies anyway.  *sigh*

(Copied from my Facebook.  This is a symptom of my complete and utter inability to be negative for more than five freaking seconds.  Gary finds this charming.  I think it's just an excess of dopamine.  Or possibly Care Bear DNA.)


1. Reading "Drunk, Divorced & Covered in Cat Hair". Fabulous, funny book about knitting through heartbreak.

2. Helping Didi by transcribing notes for her test tomorrow.

3. Gary being sweet and supportive in that way that only a man who makes himself late to work to put air in your tires can be.

4. Scott being my champion against all the forces of life that seek to defeat me (aka the stuck lid on the olive jar).

5. Finally getting to start a new knitting project after working on the last one for what felt like my entire life.

I love this icon but I don't use it much because things in my life are rarely truely sorted.

I had an awesome day today.  I'm exhausted and starving, but so juiced up!!  Julia had invited me to be the makeup artist for a group of her photographer friends who were getting together to do a shoot.  Well, I ended up being makeup artist, model AND photographer!  It was so exciting.  I got to flex my makeup muscles (everyone was pleased) and I'm really fascinated by the whole photography thing.  Julia is going to teach me a little.  I got a really cute portrait of myself, and they did a whole shoot of me in just my Dr Who scarf.  I'm going to use one of those for the author photo on my Torchwood slash.  I will post some of them as soon as I get my copy of the CD!
Whee!!!

So, oddly, I am becoming known for my theme parties, which is not completely my fault. Yes, I come up with the ideas, but it's Scott, Didi, and Julia who put them into action. Our latest project, for sometime in February? A Prohibition Party! With roleplaying, costumes, gambling (with fake money), a speakeasy, a raid by the "cops", and, if Ann gets her way, a brothel. We're inviting EVERYONE, so even though y'all are far away, if you'd like to come down to VA, let me know! I should have an exact date in mid to late February in a few days.

Didi is in charge of the drinks and music, I am in charge of makeup and costume advice, and Scott and Gary (Didi's husband) are in charge of engineering and scripting. I'm hoping to do a bit of a lounge act with Didi if we can find a keyboard (part of her awesomeness includes playing the piano and drums). I will sing "Anything Goes" whilst imagining I am John Barrowman. ...Umm, did I say that out loud? LOL

And if you miss this one, upcoming parties include: a Beatnik coffeehouse, a classic Fraternity Toga party (in summer), and of course the traditional Halloween blowout.

I thought this would just be funny, but actually I think it's a little profound!

#1:  Write at least 500 words a day, preferably fiction but journalling will be allowed in a pinch.

#2:  Practice basic FLYlady housekeeping routines.

#3:  Be a better Unitarian Universalist by attending services regularly and incorporating the Seven Principles into my daily life.

Happy New Year!!!!

I've been all introspective lately- at least, as much as I can be while running my ass off at work.  It's pretty much my default mood in fall/winter, and I like it, but.  Enough is enough.
Spurred on by the crappiness of my personal economy (the mortgage is due again ALREADY?), the crappiness of my housekeeping skills, and the knowledge that I am pathetically indulging myself with fanfiction in the absence of any real romantic possibilities, I am bailing on the rest of my plans for the day and heading to Julia's house with my entire CD collection and a bottle of rum.
Oh, and most depressing of all?  My MP3 car adaptor has been missing for a month, and I can't afford a new one.  So no car tunes for me unless I feel like country music.
I miss you all!  Check out my new Facebook page if you're on there.

Oh, last but not least.  I miss Didi.  It is crap that she is in New York this week and I am here, and then I'm in Pittsburgh next week and she is here.  I want to figure this shit out between us.  Maybe y'all could weigh in?
If a girl tells you she is frustrated with her sex life and looking for a "friend", then gives you a ring for Yule (along with a slinky top and an electric tea kettle) and tells you there is a necklace and earrings on the way, and THEN, when you suggest going out to do "girly things" asks if there's anyplace good to go dancing, is she hitting on  you?  For full disclosure, she is also married, we haven't been friends very long, and she's gorgeous.
Julia thinks I'm being obtuse.

This is good.  Very, very good.  I have been on pins and needles for months, very quietly.  My friends and family were extremely politically divided in this election, sometimes for rather unpleasant reasons (one of my dear friends was raised racist).  Even my husband wasn't sure up until the last second how he was going to vote.

I have been for Obama all the way.  McCain, frankly, scared the crap out of me.  I believe in women's rights, I believe in gay rights, I believe in freedom of religion, I believe in protecting the environment, I believe in respecting the rest of the world and at least trying to get along with them.  And, frankly, I wanted someone who was in control of his emotions and his reactions in office.  We've had enough "shoot from the hip" presidency for a lifetime.

I am so pleased, and so proud of my country for finally taking a step forward.  I haven't been wholeheartedly proud to be an American for 8 years, but today, I'm close.  We did this.  Every single one of us who got out there and voted, encouraged our friends to vote, and infected others with our enthusiasm and urgency.  Hope is contagious!

I hope we don't stop here.  I hope we carry this spirit of optimism and determination into every aspect of our lives and continue to fight for what we believe in, every day.

Congratulations, America- and THANK YOU!!!

I'm having a great deal of trouble lately tolerating people's foibles.  Usually I'm very good at taking people as they are and not getting bothered about it, but in the last month or so my patience has been wearing thin.  I punched Kevin (who, honestly, is an asshole anyway), I told Derek to keep his mouth shut, and I have to try very hard not to be snarky at Dan, who has to contradict or elaborate on EVERYTHING everyone says.  When Karen at work insisted that I "have to have another child", I wanted so badly to ask her if she was going to raise it for me.  And that's not even getting into the on-going saga of people who ask me if I'm pregnant and then say "are you sure?"  when I say no!  *sputters in disbelief*

In short, people are getting on my nerves.  It's probably because I'm being more social than ever before.  Previously I could go weeks without talking to anyone outside of my family and work, and now I have a social engagement almost every day.  I don't think I'm really cut out for that, temperament-wise.  I need to work on a way to wiggle out of some of these commitments without getting anyone (read: Julia) too pissed at me.

Usually I like Mondays, because they are my "easy" day at work.  But today I am stuck in a mire of pessimism and lethargy.  I feel like crawling back in my bed and hiding from the world, but it would be tres stupid to waste a precious sick day just because I feel wonky.  And I have too much to do, and my Partylite party is tonight.
So I will tough it out and try to find my cheerful.

5:30am is too damn early to be up for work.  Especially on a Saturday.  I am so pissed at the people I work with now, I could scream.  Everyone is bickering with someone else, which is NOT a good way to go into the already-stressful holidays.  Rosa was bitchy at me for no reason yesterday, which I could have shrugged off, except that in the whole time she was bitching, she neglected to mention that she didn't have someone opening in Window Coverings today.  That would have been useful info since I am opening HER side of the store tomorrow and I could have used the time to try and find someone last night.  As it was I didn't find out about it until we were already closing and there was nothing I could do.  I am pissed.  Window Coverings is the worst place in that store to not have someone, because it's commission and NO ONE knows anything about it, including where to find anything!!!

As requested, photos of my knitting projects!  The first is my finished scarf in a varigated grey, a chucky box knit.  It's a little short, so I'm planning to sew some buttons on it.  The second is the one I'm knitting for my mother.

So, a couple of weeks ago, at Scott's family reunion, my in-laws taught me how to knit.  Since then, I've been knitting like a house afire.  I knitted a child's scarf for Wynnie, and a slightly short nubbly gray scarf in a box-knit pattern, and now I'm working on a Ridge-and-Furrow scarf for my mom.  My next projects are a sampler scarf to help me practice different stitches, including hopefully getting the hang of cabling, and then the infamous 16-foot Doctor Who scarf.  After that, I'm going to try to move past scarfs into small accessories and from there onto sweaters!

I'm sort of trying to build up an inventory to eventually sell on-line, which is obviously impaired by the 15 or so people that want me to knit something for them, LOL.  But it's a lot of fun and I'm excited about ALL THE THINGS you can make with knitting!!  I always loved cross-stitch, but it frustrated me because I couldn't USE any of the things I made.  Knitting is so useful!

Speaking of cross-stitch, I have some Pagan patterns, included a beautiful pentacle that's half-finished, and a lot of thread and accessories that are free with the price of shipping to anyone who wants them.

Half a bottle of wine and a good night's sleep later, I'm feeling much better.  I even unpacked some more books and cleaned the litter pan.  Of course, I haven't been to work yet (closing shift) so that could all change.  But I'm at least going in with a better attitude than I've had in weeks.

Have I ever mentioned that Scott is amazing?  He's so supportive of me.  Occasionally meddlesome, but mostly supportive.  And he watches Gilmore Girls with me!!!  Enthusiastically!  You can't take that kind of thing for granted in a guy.  Now, if I could just get him to kiss other boys...  Hmmm.  *grin*

I must do something nice for him soon.  He's been putting up with my crankiness for a while now, and the CJ angst, and the just generally not being home or awake enough to do chores stuff.  He's not mentioned it or seemed put-upon, but all the more reason to show him how much it's appreciated!

OK, so tonight I was feeling down for reasons that would best be explained in another post (or not at all), and I reached for a book, which for me is the Haagen-Daaz of books.  Something to curl up with on the couch when you've just broken up, or have an unrequited crush, or a similar girly thing.  Anyway, as I picked it up, I thought of the girl who first gave it to me to read.  I couldn't remember her name, or many details about her, but I did remember that she gave me this book.  This book, which is now my go-to book in an emotional crisis.  She made a valuable contribution to my life that, essentially, keeps on giving.  I will never really forget her because of this book.

That led me to think of the other people in my life who've made similar contributions.  Caroline, who was barely an aquaintance, gave me Scott Cunningham's Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner when I was 13.  My cousin Mary, the one time we really talked, recommended The Mists of Avalon.  Russ R. introduced me to Heinlein.  (To be fair, Russ Z. had me watch one of the few movies that deeply affected me, Wim Wender's Until the End of the World.  Oh, and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, so there's a book.)  Julia gave me The Time Traveler's Wife, and Shantaram, though the jury's still out on that one as I haven't finished it.

These people, and more, made a deep and lasting impression on me through the books they introduced me to.  For some of them, it's the only thing I really remember them for, but I think it's enough.  I would be more than happy if I made a similar impression on someone else through a book I gave them, even if they remembered me for nothing else.

So, here's my question to you- have I ever given you a book like that?  Something that you'd remember me for, even if you remembered nothing else?  A book that, even in the smallest way, somehow changed your life?

And, on the flip side, is there anything you'd like to recommend to me?